There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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