Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
