That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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