His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
