Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
