On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
