i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
