also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
