they need to just BURY HIM!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
