she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
