If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
