Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
