im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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