My brain says no but my pants say off.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
