Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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