Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
