phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
