i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
