Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
