First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this boner is exhausting
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
