so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
