so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
