he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
