im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
