Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
