guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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