my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
