yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
