whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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