And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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