How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
