i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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