just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I could fuck to npr.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
