woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
