he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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