I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
