We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
