just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
