Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
