hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
