The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
