I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
