Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
