I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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