finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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