Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
