six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
