Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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