he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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