when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
