Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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